Am I Clingy? Balancing the Right Amount of Closeness In A Relationship


Relationships can be wonderful things, and enhance our lives in many different ways, but they can also be difficult, after all, we are all individuals with our own hang ups and ways of doing things.

Sometimes, we can find ourselves becoming too reliant on another person, in other words becoming too clingy.

Whilst other times, we may distance ourselves, because we don’t want to get hurt in the same way that we may have before.

It is important, as we grow as people, to learn and understand ourselves, to better know why we behave in a certain way, or react in one way or another to a variety of situations.

Only by knowing ourselves, can we go on to have fulfilling relationships.

Why Do People Become Clingy?

In any relationship, whether that be a platonic or a romantic one, it is normal to want to spend a lot of time with that person.

Being around someone who makes you feel good does wonders for our mental, and physical, health. Therefore, you will want to spend time with them, and learn about them, and try new experiences.

Occasionally, this can tip over into wanting to spend all your time with someone, and constantly being in touch with them via telephone or social media, and this can lead to you becoming clingy.

There are many different reasons why this can happen, but mostly it arises from a place of insecurity. A lack of self confidence for instance, or bad experiences in previous relationships can lead to this need to be in constant contact with another person.

Finding comfort in a partner or close friend is part of a normal healthy relationship, but if it becomes more than you are spending time with that person through fear of being on your own, or fear or what the future holds, then that can move into becoming clingy, which is not healthy.

What Do You Do If You Are Clingy?

If you have come to the realisation that you are clingy, then there are steps you can take to help you have more healthy behaviours.

Firstly, congratulate yourself on being aware that you are clingy. Emotional awareness and emotional intelligence is something that we should all be working towards, and it is a huge step to be able to notice a negative aspect of your personality.

Talking to your partner or friend that you are being clingy with is one of the most important things you can do. This may be difficult at first, as not many of us like to admit something negative, but discussing this can help your partner to understand your insecurities and help to reassure you.

Attachment styles have a great deal of influence on our lives, so recognising your attachment style can help hugely in working out how you can move forward.

Try spending some time alone, and trying to find happiness in that alone time. FInding something you enjoy can help you to realise that spending time away from that person is not the end of the world.

Moving Forward

Learning to moderate your clingy behaviour is a very important part of leading a fulfilling life, with a healthy relationship pattern.

It is worth finding and speaking to a therapist who can help you understand why you act in a certain way, and what steps you can take to modulate your behaviour.

Being clingy can sometimes arise as a result of having an anxiety disorder, or clinical depression for example.

In that case, you may be referred to your doctor to discuss medication, which can help in other ways.

Relationship counselling may also help, as you and your partner can discuss your feelings and needs in a neutral environment with a professional there to help you work through all the issues.

Talking with a professional in any capacity, whether that be face to face or online, whether it’s on a one to one basis, or as part of a couple’s therapy, can be really helpful.

When we feel anxious, it is very easy to feel that we are alone, and no one understands how we feel. This is not true no matter how much you may feel this way.

There is always help available to you. Asking for help can be incredibly scary, but it is one of the best things you can do to help yourself.

Once you understand why you behave in certain ways, you can learn how to deal with that, and move forward to live a fulfilling, emotionally healthy life.