You have been together for—well, forever—but there still isn’t a ring or even the hint of marriage in the air. Perhaps it’s time to throw in the towel. Yet, you have invested so much in this relationship and you dread the thought of starting over because dating sucks. However, there comes a time when every girl needs to take a good hard look at the relationship in question, especially when the writing is on the wall.
You Don’t Spend Holidays Together
He spends Thanksgiving with his family and you are with yours. You do not want to appear overbearing and push him out the door by forcing him to choose between his childhood home and yours. After all, what is the big deal?
The big deal is that you are supposed to be a couple and with that comes family obligations. Sure, maybe the having two dinners stinks or rushing from his mom’s to yours on Christmas makes the day crazy, but it shows a level of commitment. If he refuses to entertain the idea of spending a holiday with your relatives or vice versa, you need to do some serious thinking about the future.
The Bachelor Pad
You live together, but he still has one. Yes, he continues to pay rent on his old place even though he has moved into yours or you have picked out a new place together. Why? Well, he has plenty of reasons.
“It once belonged to my parents.”
“It’s rent controlled, how can I give it up?”
“I love the neighborhood.”
Bottom line; if he hasn’t completely moved in with you and is holding onto an important part of his single past, he is not ready for anything serious and certainly not marriage.
First comes love, then marriage, and then the carriage. You know the chant. The sight of a baby makes you melt. You love the thought of the clothes and setting up the nursery. Yet, your guy rapidly changes the subject whenever baby talk comes up. Basically, you want one and he doesn’t.
This is a huge issue in many relationships and a big warning sign. Despite the rumors, you can’t change a guy. If he doesn’t want kids, he doesn’t want them, and the sight of his own in your arms isn’t likely to make a difference in the long run.
You Get the Relatives Involved
Holidays and yet another birthday have passed without a ring. You decide to get your mom or sister to corner your guy to find out exactly what his intentions are. Is marriage on his agenda or is it a mirage?
If you are plotting for ways your family and friends can drop the marriage hint to your guy, you’ve lost it. He shouldn’t need a brick to fall on his head regarding the next step in your relationship. If you are here, it is definitely time to get out with what remains of your self-respect still in tact.
The Single Life
Sure, it is scary out there. You hate the club scene. You rarely run into date-able males at work. The thought of online dating makes you break out in hives. And we won’t even mention the setups from happily married friends. Why look for someone new if you already have a guy in your bed?
Well, only you can answer that question. If you are truly happy and satisfied in your current relationship then you have your solution. However, if you are unhappy and searching for a level of commitment your boyfriend is not willing to give you, it may be time to put on the big girl pants, face facts, and stop ignoring the red flags that keep popping up everywhere you look.
The single life may be intimidating, but it can be just as gratifying as a relationship. Becoming a confident and self-reliant you really is the most important step in finding a lifelong mate. If you don’t love yourself, how do you expect someone else to?
It’s an old adage, but true. Life is too short, which is why we should not spend the bulk of it being unhappy, or settling in a comfortable relationship because the alternative is too frightening to consider. No, you won’t end up as the spinster cat lady unless that is what you want. If your relationship brings you more stress than joy—it is time to make a change.