The Difference Between a Pick-up Artist, a Dating Expert, and a Relationship Expert


There seems to be a lot of misconception these days about the difference between a pick-up artist, a dating expert, and a relationship expert. Many may scratch their heads, wondering. Others may say that they are all the same, and if you are one of them, you most likely will know how to help an unfortunate, lonely guy out there with all three.

However, they are not the same: while someone may be great at “picking up women,” it doesn’t mean they will know what to do on a date, or how to sustain a long-term relationship. In fact, everything you would do for a woman in a long term relationship, you should never do when trying to get a date.

Unfortunately, many guys don’t know this, and make every mistake known to man when out on a date, humiliating themselves. For example, many dating experts will tell men to be themselves, but what exactly does this mean? Does that mean if I like to wear purple pajamas on a date and talk about my job as a rug salesman, I should do it?

Asking a pickup artist about dating is like asking a car salesman how to repair the transmission in my car. The salesman and mechanic may both work with cars and may very well be excellent at what they do, but the two are not the same. So I ask, why do we tend to group different experts into the same category when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex? The answer is simple: ordinary people don’t know the difference.

What exactly is the difference between the three?

The Pick-up Artist

We will start with the pick-up artist, seeing as they are the ones who focus on the meeting stage, are newest on the scene, and surrounded by the most controversy. If you had ever seen the show “The Pick-up Artist” that was on VH1, you’d think these guys were only out for one thing, and one thing only: SEX. Many experts and media types are quick to bash these guys. They say women should beware, because those guys don’t want relationships, and usually hang out in bars looking to prey on unsuspecting or drunk women who will fall for their slimy pickup techniques. They say that once an average Joe who couldn’t get dates or who already has a girlfriend learns these sneaky moves, he will turn into an unfaithful man-whore and be ruined for life. I disagree. That would be like saying all women who get a gun permit and learn how to shoot will go around shooting any man who looks at them the wrong way. Like in the movie Spider Man, “With great power comes great responsibility.” Listen, there are many married men out there who at the first chance will cheat on their wives without even thinking about it. So, let’s look at the positives that can come from learning how to pick up women.

I remember a long time ago when I worked at a gym, there were two guys who use to lift weights together all the time. One was a very nice, polite, respectful guy. He dressed decently, and was good-looking and in great shape. His buddy, on the other hand, was a jerk toward women. He liked one-night stands and would never commit to a real relationship. He wasn’t as good-looking as his buddy, either. Every Friday night he would go out, find a good looking woman, take her home, and sleep with her. Of course when morning came, he would kick her out. This guy would set his buddy up with all kinds of women that he knew to go on a date with, but every time, the women would say he was way too nice and boring and that they wouldn’t go on a second date with him. It wasn’t because he wasn’t a great guy, it was because he was like every other guy out there. One thing he did wrong was give way too many compliments. He should have talked about fun topics and showed a sense of humor, but he was scared that anything he said would offend her or put her off, so he’d stick to boring subjects like his job or ask her tons of questions as if he were conducting an interview. He was following the advice given by many dating experts.

The Dating Expert

Watch television these days, and you will assume that because these experts know what to say and do on a date, they will know how to teach you to meet women. Every week, there seems to be a new expert popping out of the woodwork claiming that their method is the best. There was once even a show where a guy yelled at women like a drill sergeant, telling them if they didn’t listen to him, they’d be single forever. But like I always say, you can’t change what someone is attracted to, so why not just help them find what they like? The guy was a complete idiot in my opinion, and should never be hired to help anybody get a date. Many dating experts are the worst people to ever seek help from if you’re single, because they are usually only interested in making money. They will tell you general, vague things to do like “Ask her questions about herself, “or “Give many compliments and be yourself,” but will never give detailed ideas on how to get a woman to go on a date with you in the first place. There are many legit dating experts out there that you can seek out for help, but I would suggest you stay away from the commercialized types you see on television and only seek one out after you learn how to meet women in the first place.

The Relationship Expert

While these are not the well most known, they’ve been around the longest, tend to be the most professional, and have the least amount of negative strikes against their reputation. They may not be great at helping you find a woman or get a date, but they can definitely help you improve or save a current relationship. Most people will go to a relationship expert when they are about to get divorced or break up, but I believe that a relationship expert can help improve a current relationship and help create a better path of communication.

While it may seems that Pick-up Artists are the scum of the earth while Relationship Experts are the saints of the universe, it’s always important to remember that there’s good and bad in all three professions.

When choosing an expert, you should do plenty of homework first to make sure you choose right:

  • Ask friends, family and even past clients what they think of the expert and if they would recommend him or her.
  • Check online reviews if possible and see what others are saying about the expert way before you consider contacting him or her.

If it pertains to your situation, pick the expert that matches your situation, personality and price range, and always shop around before making a final decision.

While there’s no guarantee that the expert you choose will be legit or the right one, with careful research and planning there’s a greater chance you will find the expert that’s right for you. Remember that knowledge doesn’t come from just one source, so getting help from all three would be the ideal situation.

For those of you out there that think that these men will turn into player, you can’t change a good guy into a cheater any more than you can change a cat into a dog. A person with a good heart will always be a good person, no matter how much knowledge and skill they gain. Let’s not let the bad apples spoil it for the good guys and girls out there.