I know “that” woman you are talking about. Ok, maybe not personally, but I know that you think she is the one woman or the one kind of woman that would really make all your dreams come true. Maybe she is uber hot. Maybe she is seriously sexy. Maybe you think you would have a killer connection with her. Fill in the blanks however you please.
Whether it’s a celebrity fantasy like Kim Kardashian, Angeline Jolie, Megan Fox or Jessica Alba; or it’s the girl next door; the girl at work; the best friend who you want to get to know in the “other way” – the same question keeps coming up.
“How do I get a girl like “that” to date a guy like me?”
Which is usually followed by a whole bunch of reasons your “mind” makes up which disqualifies you from dating a woman like this. In fact, the mind is a very powerful thing. And, even if a woman like “that” was interested in you – with that current mindset either you wouldn’t see it, or you would sabotage the process so a girl like “that” would eventually lose interest in you.
Now, I’m not going to go on another rant about how important mindset and self esteem is when attracting and dating good quality women (or maybe I am). I would suggest that if you can’t relate to any of what I’m saying – it’s probably because you have grown beyond this point. Congratulations. For everyone else .. keep reading.
So, let me give you an example. Suppose you are a guy who has only ever known, driven, and had cars worth 50K – Who has a dream to own a Ferrari at 500K. Not only do you have a constant fantasy about what it would be like to own a Ferrari (about how great the leather would smell, how fast it could accelerate, and how well it would handle around corners) – you ALSO believe at the deepest part of your BEING that you are only worth a 50K Car.
After all, it’s all you have ever known.
So here in lies the dilemma. Because at the root of your being you believe you are only worth a 50K car – you are setting yourself up for some painful realities which can NEVER match your fantasy.
See, if you believe that you are only worth a 50K car and what you really want is a 500K car (but don’t truly feel worthy of it) – then either you will NEVER get the Ferrari OR you will find a way to get rid of the Ferrari fast when you DO get it. Meaning when you do get to buy it, you won’t be able to retain it in your life for very long. Maybe you crash it, get it impounded, or some other creative way to get it out of your life.
Maybe this has happened, with other things besides cars (get my drift?)
It’s a sucky situation, and I’m sure you are wondering, “So, what’s the solution?”
Well, it’s not all doom and gloom. There is a way which you can have the Ferrari and not only keep it in your life but appreciate and enjoy it for what it’s worth.
What do you have to do? Here it is …
You have to raise your self worth to match what you really want.
Simple right? Let me explain.
If you want a 500K car then you got to believe you are worth a 500K car. Now, that doesn’t mean just repeating, “I’m worth a 500K car” over and over again until you drive yourself insane. No, no, no.
The quickest way to match your reality with your fantasy to increase your self worth bit by bit. Hey, you’ve got to start somewhere right? The trick is to grow your self worth but not beyond a point that ignites the “safety mechanism”. What happens when the safety mechanism engages? Sabotage is what happens. Which basically means that you find new and creative ways to get that “thing” that you wanted so badly – out of your life (this is an unconscious intention, consciously you may be thinking what the “F**K is going on!)
So, how can you start to grow your self worth? Well, going back to my Ferrari example, you would have to start small, by maybe buying a 55K car. And, then a 70K car. And, then a 100K Car. And, so on. And, you would keep each car until you would know that you were able to “comfortably” retain it in your life WITHOUT self sabotage. And, when you were able to do that at each stage you would begin to realize hey I am worthy of a 55K, 70K, 100K car. And, soon you will be well on your way to feeling worthy of a 500K car.
Alright, so I’m hoping that some of you may have been catching on and realize that this doesn’t ONLY apply to cars. It’s applies to the quality of the women that you date.
I know a lot of you who want that dream woman. That one woman you turns your world upside down and who you DO anything for, to be with. She is the 500K Ferrari. Yet some of you only believe you are worth a 50K car/girl. So if you want the dream girl – you have to believe that you are an equal to this woman. You have to believe that you are worth a woman like this. And, truly believe it with your BEING and not just your thoughts.
So, how would you do this? It first starts with approaching and talking to women that you are comfortable talking to. The type of woman this is, will be different for everyone depending on where each individual is at. If you are an incredibly shy guy who doesn’t like talking to people let alone women, then the first step for you would be to make and hold eye contact for about 3 seconds while out and about with any man, woman, or child. And, then go from there.
If you were a man who was comfortable with talking to people just not attractive women then the next best step would be to talk to women who you were NOT attracted to or that you did not find attractive. So, this would be women who you don’t find physically attractive; older women; younger women; women who are obliged to at least be open to communication like sales assistants, check out chicks, waitresses, and so on. And, once you were more comfortable with this focus on moving up to women that you find slightly more attractive and continuing to work up the ladder.
See, the truth is that some of you are at POINT A and want to get to POINT F by tomorrow. It’s not going to happen. There is a process that you must all go through. Patience is the key. As Tony Robbins once said, “People overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in 10 years.” Now, I’m not saying that you have to wait 10 years to get your dream woman. You can go at whatever pace you would like. But, it will be more effective if you set some realistic expectations on yourself.
And, there is nothing to say that the process of getting THERE will be any less exciting than actually getting the goal.
I know from personal experience that working towards goals is always more rewarding than actually accomplishing them. Happiness comes from striving for what you want while being happy with what you have got. Going through this process will also teach you to become more present and more fully engaged in your life. And, to realize that “the moment” you are experiencing right now, is good enough just as it is.
When you can set realistic expectations on yourself; have a strategy to move towards every day; and focus on enjoying the process /moment that is presented in front you – it will help you find the fulfillment and happiness “NOW” that you think a great woman will provide you “in the future”.
I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn. What are your thoughts and experiences with this concept?