Do you work overtime to be the perfect woman, in hopes that your man will respect and value you, and know what it is you want?
Here’s something that many who strive for perfection to get their man to fulfill their needs soon discover: their man still doesn’t understand what they want. Having perfect makeup, hair and house doesn’t tell him what you want the way simple, direct communication can.
In this blog, I’ll explain why, and give you 2 tips for giving it to him straight. Read on…
Sugar and Spice… But Is He Getting What You Want?
You are a nice woman and don’t like to hit people in the head with a hammer, right? You prefer taking a soft approach as becomes your feminine wonderfulness.
But if your man is clueless to what you’re trying to say through your approach, then your approach needs some tweaking.
Many women already fall into the media-fueled trap that they need to be the “perfect woman” in order to have a happy life with their man. From perfectly-coiffed hair to precision makeup to a house that Martha Stewart would envy, many women strive to hit it out of the ballpark in every corner of their life.
And, from these efforts, they hope that their man will appreciate those efforts, and in turn, understand what is wanted from him.
First of all, do you know exactly what you want from your man? Many women have somewhat vague concepts but don’t recognize them when they receive them, such as:
I want my man to love me for all that I do.
I want my man to appreciate all the effort I make.
I want my man to spend alone-time with me, talking about things that are important.
I want my man to wine and dine me the way he did when we first started dating.
If you’re not getting what you want through your good-faith efforts, it’s time to take another approach.
I’m not suggesting you let your hair turn to straw, toss your cosmetics and let the house fall to ruin. These efforts you make are your way of showing your love and caring. But, when it comes to speaking the language of getting your own needs met, you literally have to… speak the language.
Men are direct creatures. Think about a guy hanging out with his guy friends. They all say exactly what’s on their mind and say what they want. They don’t hold the door for each other, hoping the other one will understand that means, “I want to play 18 holes of golf with you this Saturday.”
They say it.
So, if you want your wants and needs met by your man, this is what you do:
Tip #1: Be Direct and Concise
If you want something, you need to find a way to say it with as few words as possible. I’m not suggesting men aren’t intelligent enough to understand women when they talk, but women do have the verbal advantage and can overwhelm their man with words.
If you start telling your man, “I do this, I do that, and this, and that, and when I do it, I’m showing you this, and that, and you don’t see it and I think it’s because you think this and that, and what I want is…”, well, you’ve potentially lost him after the first ‘this and that’ which he is trying to figure how it relates to that other ‘this and that.’
Pinpoint what you want, and then state it in a simple, declarative sentence—and leave it be. For example, you could say, “I need more time with you on Saturdays, so I want to start planning a date night.” He’ll get it.
Tip #2: Set Expectations
Guys do well with specifics. So, if you have an expectation of how you want to be treated or the way you want your needs to be fulfilled, tell your guy specifically what your expectation is, and what he can do to accomplish this.
Expectations let your man know where you stand, and what it takes to make you happy. Think of it as a gift you give to him: he doesn’t have to guess and be set up for failure when he misses the mark.