Why do we all gravitate towards certain people? Why do girls fall for rock stars, athletes and rich guys? Why do some work hard to win people over while others get preferential treatment naturally?
The answer is simple: value. At the end of the day, we all want to get something out of our relationships. Have something to offer and people will work hard to be around you. Don’t and you will be the one doing the work.
Most people generate value for others with time and effort because that’s all they can offer. This works if you’re happy with only having a handful of productive relationships. But if you’re reading this article, you probably want to have as many of those as possible.
The easiest way to do this is by building up your own value: that way, other people will gravitate towards you naturally. Whether you want to get more girls, win respect or expand your social circle, value will deliver. Here are 3 ways to get it.
An artistic representation of a regular guy who followed the tips in this post
Success is a very attractive quality. Owning certain things – nice cars, fancy clothes, yachts – projects that quality to other people. That’s why some cars are girl magnets: they signal that their owner is a successful, high-value individual.
I’m gonna go ahead and assume you won’t buy a new car after reading this article, though. Don’t worry: you don’t have to. All you need to do is look and act like someone who has high value.
- Wear your best clothes when you go out. Sounds obvious, but I’ve seen my students go on dates in hiking trainers.
- If you’re comfortable with overdressing, do it; a nice suit projects more status than jeans and a t-shirt.
- Control your spending and save towards nice stuff (if that’s your cup o’ tea). Better to own one nice pair of jeans than 5 crappy ones.
- Generate value from stuff other people own. Are your parents away for the weekend? Organize a party at their house.
- If you can’t afford an extensive wardrobe, buy a couple of quality accessories (nothing tacky). They will make you look fancier on a budget.
In conversation, focus on what you do own and downplay what you don’t. If you have a car but still live with your parents, bring up the car. If you have a bad car, focus on the fact that you own a car. If you own a bike but no car, offer the person you’re talking to a picturesque bike ride next Sunday.
In short, try to use everything you own – or have access to – to create value for yourself and others.
At school, everyone wanted to hang out with the popular kids. The adult world isn’t much different; being known and liked increases your value. This is especially true if you can become a social connector, linking up your friends with people they find interesting.
Fortunately, meeting new people as an adult isn’t hard. You can start by signing up to any group activity: hiking, knitting, dancing. Just by showing up, you’ll meet like-minded people.
Another option – a more interesting one – is to simply go out alone. I have a friend who goes out for some coffee and a snack every day. Despite being very introverted, he’s made lots of new friends this way.
You can do the same: simply go somewhere, order a coffee and read a book. Not only will you make new friends; you’ll get to know the staff at many venues. And being on friendly terms with the manager of a popular one is a great way to generate value.
I was once broke and lonely in an unfamiliar city. I had a date coming up and really didn’t want to screw it up. So I did a little research, bought two metro tickets and gave the girl an unusual city tour. Despite having nothing else to offer, I created positive emotions for the both of us.
You too can create value by being an awesome person. The experiences, emotions and knowledge you have to share are your best tools.
I’m sure we all know at least one guy – or girl – who can cheer up everyone they come into contact with. Party starters, good listeners, loyal friends; these types of people generate value from within. Find your kick-ass trait and develop it.