2 Worst Ways to Make Relationship Decisions

marriage mistake

Most relationships are doomed to “fail” at the beginning. And by “fail,” I mean end in acrimony, not by simply running their course.

Why is this?

Because the two most common ways people make decisions about relationships are the two worst ways, dooming the relationship before it even starts.

The first bad way is by believing the social narrative that there is one special person for everyone, and that when you find them, you declare yourself in a relationship, get married (thus combining assets) and because they are that one special person, you are guaranteed happiness for life.

The second bad way is by making decisions under the powerful spell of initial attraction, feeling such an intense connection for the other person you believe THIS one will last forever.

Combine those two and you have a recipe for two things: disaster and profit. The problem with social narrative is this: when things don’t last forever, and you are not feeling the thrilling high of attraction anymore with that other person (and eventually you will not, as the chemicals that create that high wear off) you have two choices.

coupleThe first choice is that the social narrative was complete bs all along, that most relationships simply run their course, and it’s time to amicably close the book and move on. That is rarely the chose route as it does not lead to an industry profiting. The second choice is that the narrative IS true, and that because it didn’t happen for you, the other person is to blame.

They lied, misrepresented themselves, and were not at all who you thought they were. Therefore they must PAY, since you deserve compensation for their emotional crimes, and a friendly divorce lawyer is happy to help you out for everything you both own (or will own).

An entire, devious industry (what I call the Marriage-Divorce Financial Complex) feeds off relationship decisions made under intense initial attraction and social narrative. They encourage formation of relationships, and assignment of blame when they naturally run their course, leading to profit for them.

Don’t you dare play this game. You can most certainly have a fulfilling long term relationship with a great woman IF you do two things. One, when you feel intense attraction, you enjoy it for as long as it lasts (2 to 3 years). While you feel it, you make no life altering decisions, especially early on. Secondly, you realize that most relationships just run their course, and intense attraction naturally wears off.

It’s not your fault, not her fault, it’s the way of the world and no one’s to blame, and no one (especially you) has to pay.

If, after the initial attraction wears off, you still LIKE her and have fondness for her and history with her, why then, certainly look at something that involves commingling of assets and a strong exit agreement if it runs its course. Make decisions that way and you can actually have what everyone says they want, while avoiding what most people get. Divorce lawyers will hate you for not lining their pockets, but that is a very, very good thing to experience for your entire life.

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Alex Wise served over 5 years as relationship expert helping women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest, male perspective. Alex is one of the contributors and editors for Loveawake.com dating website. He is passionate about thought leadership writing, and regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and online dating communities.