Discussing Your Sexual History


Sex is a vital ingredient in a satisfying relationship. If you are serious about a relationship, it is crucial that both of you are frank and truthful about your past sexual history. Don’t beat about the bush—shy smiles and downcast glances do not help to elicit much of your sexual past! Have an honest tete-a tete!

A recent study by Uusexdoll revealed that women talk about sex and sex-related topics with their best friend more than men. The researchers say these different communications styles could set men and women up for mismatched expectations about conversations with their partner in a romantic relationship.

Muster your courage and get straight to the talk! How can you be sure you are in a safe relationship, without hurting your partner’s feelings? How can you be frank, yet tactful, about your own past?

Right time, Right place

Be sure you know each other well enough to delve into each other’s sexual past. It is a wise decision to be frank about your sexual past early in a relationship. Select a comfortable place with a decent amount of privacy, where you can have a frank uninterrupted chat. In bed is absolutely the wrong place to bring up the topic. You cannot expect someone to be truthful while in the throes of passion!

Be honest yet tactful

Decide to be honest with each other. Do not feel awkward talking about your sexual past. If you are considering a long-term relationship, you will have to discuss it eventually, so be done with it!

Consider how many intimate details you are comfortable sharing with each other (without squirming in your seat). Wouldn’t you hate to hear your partner reveal a step-by-step account of a passionate one-night stand years ago? Draw a line beyond which either of you dare not go.

Do not keep harping about your ex.’s monumental blunders, but also, do not underline your own faults in red. You do not have to say that your previous relationship ended because your ex caught you in bed with his or her best friend! Be diplomatic and say you parted ways because of irreconcilable differences. That way you are being honest, yet tactful.

Don’t jump to conclusions

The number of previous partners a person has had does not determine the person’s faithfulness. Do not judge impulsively. Appreciate the fact that your partner is being honest.

Discussing sexually transmitted diseases

In the scary world of sexually transmitted diseases like HIV/AIDS, it is important to discuss if either of you are at risk to acquire STDs. Unfortunately, many STDs have no symptoms until late in the disease, making it especially important to be aware of them. Ask if your partner has been treated for any STDs in the past (remember most STDs can be treated) Do not make it sound like you want to dig into the past. Convince your partner that it is mutually beneficial in a long-term relationship. “Why don’t we both go together and get a HIV test done?” will make it sound less ominous!

You should both take it in the right spirit. It does not mean you do not have faith in each other or you want to jump into any promiscuous behavior. It simply means you are being responsible because you care for each other.

Work towards a healthy future

If you are planning to continue an intimate physical relationship, it is worth the effort to know more and be comfortable with each other’s sexuality and past sexual experiences.

Spend some time together in a bookstore reading about sexual health, sexual choices, and safe sex. See a health practitioner to undergo a routine health check-up and to learn more about safe sex options as a couple.

Once you have decided to continue in a relationship, agree not to keep harping about your past. Do not keep reminding yourself or your partner about a previous relationship gone wrong. To err is human. Move on for a healthy and secure future together.

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Alex Wise served over 5 years as relationship expert helping women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest, male perspective. Alex is one of the contributors and editors for Loveawake.com dating website. He is passionate about thought leadership writing, and regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and online dating communities.