Things People Need To Stop Writing On The Internets


If you like to say these things on the web, please stop. No, seriously – give it a rest. Talk about beating a dead horse. Not only are these horses dead, but their dead horse bones have been pummeled into dead horse dust and the dust has blown away.

Like dingleberries, but not as amusing.

A combination of “chill” and “relax,” which are the same f**king thing, so it’s redundundant.

See what I did there?
No, I’m a blind moron. Of course I saw it, and I was about to be impressed until you had to go and ruin it by jumping up and down and pointing at your own cleverness.

Totes are bags or umbrellas. Is it really that hard to say “totally”? Isn’t “totally” slang enough without the cutesy abbreve? (See what I did there?)

Nom nom nom
You make that sound when you’re eating? What are you, a goat? 


I’ll admit that. I always kinda liked this one, but it’s got to go. For rilz.

I want to punch him in the throat
His throat has had enough. Try another body part. “I want to punch him in the bladder.” See? Fresh meat. Much better.

Awesome sauce/weak sauce
How ’bout some Shut The Hell Up sauce?

That makes my teeth itch
Talking about your itchy teeth makes my balls itch, and I already scratch them enough, so please knock it off.

I just threw up in my mouth a little
You and 50 million other people. Did you know that this is the first sentence Al Gore typed on the internet after he invented it back in the 1920s? Yup. Like Edison and Mary’s little lamb or the IBM 7094 computer and “Daisy Bell,” Gore’s “I just threw up in my mouth a little” paved the way for every other trite and overused web saying that followed. Retire it. 

NTTAWWT (Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That)
Seinfeld went off the air in 1998, folks. Just sayin’….

Just sayin’…
No shit, really? I thought maybe someone else was sayin’ it and you were just lip-synching.

What about you, dear readers? What cutesy words and phrases are you sick of reading on the internet?