First Date Mistakes To Avoid

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You stopped her on the street and asked her out. She was so good-looking and funny in those 2 minutes that you couldn’t control yourself. You went on the first date and you thought things went great.

But she never called you again. What’s up with that?

There are plenty of lists on the Internet about ten first date faux pas, which included bad manners, being late, and answering phone calls (isn’t this the same as “bad manners”?).

Mistake #1

You complained

Whether it’s about work, life, friends, family, or the clothes you’re wearing, complaining never plays well with women because if you’re complaining on the first date, what will life be like with you in 10 months from now? At home? While she’s cleaning up?

Solution: Do your best to be upbeat about whatever you discuss, avoid topics that’ll make you sound like Debbie Downer and make it a point to have a good time.

Mistake #2

You talked about yourself all night

It’s common knowledge that most guys are trained to keep the conversation focused on women, but some guys missed that lesson while watching porn and spend the entire night massaging their own ego. And if you do that, we’ll figure you’re not interested in us because you never care to ask.

Solution: Although it’s great to let us in on parts of your life and your interests, do your best to discuss both us and current events. The point of a date is to get to know each other – that requires a two-sided conversation.

Mistake #3

You treated service people like crap

You never once looked at the waiter, you talked to him as though he never got hooked on phonics, and you got this constipated look on your face when he accidentally spilled some water on the table. Your date will assume you think you’re above certain people and live in a class system.

Solution: Treating anyone like a second-rate citizen is not widely accepted so you really need to work on your people skills and realize that this waiter may be studying to become a doctor, so don’t turn your date off with judgments and assumptions about anyone.

Mistake #4

You were negative about women in your life

Whether it’s your ex, your mom, or even your girlfriend, mentioning a woman in a negative way reflects badly on you because your date will fear that you will eventually view her in this same manner.

Solution: It’s okay to think that your ex was a bitch because she did your best friend and your brother on the same night and then called you to tell you about it, but a first date is not the venue in which to voice that thought. Keep the conversation light and on a happy trail, avoid speaking of anyone, especially women, in an ill manner.

Mistake #5

You kept looking around the room

While she was trying to tell you about the time she managed to put out a grease fire with tongs and some baking soda, you kept your eyes peeled on the door and people-watched the entire time. Ultimately, she’ll think you either think she’s boring, or you’re looking for the BBD (Bigger, Better Deal).

Solution: Although an occasional glance around the room while eating or amid a moment of silence is fine, consistently looking around for who else is there is bad etiquette. Keep your eyes and attention on her, even if you feel like the two of you aren’t clicking.

Mistake #6

You told your sob story

None of us have had it easy. We’ve all been burned and some of us have even been charred. But if your first date hears about how your last 7 girlfriends cheated on you, she may think that you have the problem and not them.

Solution: Remember the happy place I mentioned before? That’s where you want to be, and talking about how you caught Joanne masturbating and shoving her curling iron inside herself when you came home early from work doesn’t help you sell what a terrific person you are. Don’t mention exes in general and, above all, don’t mention how hard life has been on you.

Mistake #7

You mentioned marriage & kids

Most guys tend to think that all women want to be married with kids, but that’s a huge misconception. In fact, most chicks I know are far from ready for marriage. So the minute you start to mention commitments of any kind that go beyond the potential second date, you’ve probably lost her.

Solution: Don’t do it. It’s really that simple. Even if you think you hear her biological clock throughout dinner, don’t make mention of suburbs, picket fences, kids, weddings, or anything related to that during the date.

Mistake #8

You never laughed at her jokes

She attempted to make you laugh a few times throughout the night and all she got back was, “I don’t get it,” or that blank look kids get on their faces when someone uses a big word like “perplexed”. Considering men consistently list “sense of humor” as the third or fourth trait on their “what I look for in a girl” list, this is a huge blow to her ego.

Solution: Laugh. At least once. Prove to her that you have a sense of humor and be open about the things that you think are hilarious.

How about some tips that may not be complete no-brainers, huh? 15 more first date mistakes to avoid.

  1. Quoting Oprah more than once.
  2. Shortening words that really don’t need to be shortened, like “totes,” “blowie,” and “obvi.”
  3. Starting any sentence with the phrase, “Well, my therapist says … “
  4. Ever mentioning your “girl boner.” Trust — guys do not want to think of you with a boner, no matter how cute you think the phrase is.
  5. Keeping your Spanx on during a make-out session. Girl, if it gets that far, excuse yourself to the bathroom and discreetly remove said undergarment and stuff it in your purse.
  6. Seeing a movie about war criminals, Holocaust survivors, or rape.
  7. Eating Mexican food.
  8. Saying “Let’s do this again” if you don’t really mean it.
  9. Planning anything that lasts more than three hours. (If the first date naturally goes longer, great, but don’t plan for it to).
  10. Calling anyone you ever dated “crazy.”
  11. Giving more than three compliments.
  12. Answering more than two or three questions without asking one in return.
  13. Asking more than three questions in a row.
  14. Breaking in brand-new shoes.
  15. Divulging your insecurities.

Stop making first date mistakes

A first date is a lot like a job interview, but with good food and better lighting. Your mission throughout it all is to have the best time possible without turning things into an interrogation or “me time.”

Share your thoughts, try to bounce off the things she says and have a good time. Date number 2 is only a phone call away.

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Alex Wise served over 5 years as relationship expert helping women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest, male perspective. Alex is one of the contributors and editors for Loveawake.com dating website. He is passionate about thought leadership writing, and regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and online dating communities.
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