Why are we so attracted to older men? What appeals to us about a younger woman? What’s with the introduction of the high in demand cougar? Some of us believe age is just a number, others shudder at the thought of the words, “old enough to be your…” But the reality is, we see age gap lovin’ all the time. But why? And does it work?
Why we want us some age gap lovin’
Hello Therapy!
We laugh at the idea of a woman having daddy issues or a man constantly needing to prove his masculinity, but the truth is, these are REAL problems. We do tend to feel the need to replace what mommy or daddy should have been and the importance of a mother and father figure should never be dismissed. Unfortunately, you’re not going to find it in between the sheets with a new lover.
What about someone who feels the need to take care of another person, you ask? That someone needs to get a puppy instead. This only feeds another’s need to be taken care of, leading the relationship to become nothing more than an ongoing business transaction.
Point being: deal with your issues in therapy because you won’t find resolution at the expense of someone else’s emotions.
Darwin? Are you there?
In a few weeks, I’ll be writing an amazing article on sexual selection and mating strategies (believe me, it’s fucking fascinating) but for now we’ll keep it short and sweet. Men like the younger ladies because of their fertility.. Women like older men because of the resources at their disposal.
If I were to get creative with the modern state of things (and this is just that- my creativity): an older woman likes the younger man because of his healthy sperm and younger men chase older woman because of their experience in caring for offspring. [That was fun, I feel like a scientist]
Things are obviously more complex than that, taking into account the existence of love.
Through the phases of life
There are critical phases in an individuals life that I don’t believe should be disturbed. For example, losing you virginity. When you’re dating an older person, one who’s shagged a good number of people since the loss of his/her V card, you might feel pressured to do something you’re not ready to do. And even if you’re okay with that NOW.. it’ll bite you in the ass LATER.
When I was 15, I dated a 19 year old (I dated older but they had the mental capacity of 13 year olds so they don’t count). This 19 year old needed something I couldn’t provide: nurturing. He had already experienced his teenage years and began to deprive me of my own. The relationship was much more harmful than that, but a big chunk of it can be blamed on the age gap in such a critical period.
Another example? You’re finishing school, ready to put your hard earned degree to work and your partner is ready to have children. Your adult life is yet to begin while your partner’s is ready for the game upgrade. This WILL affect you, regardless of how hard you try to ignore it.
There are, however, phases in life that 5-10 years don’t mean the same as they did when you were say, 15 years old. As you get older, the actual number shrinks in significance..
Is age nothing but a number?
Age is the number of years we’ve spent breathing on this earth. Some of us have breathed in a lot more than others.Therefore, age can be a lot more than just a number; age can be life experience.
Can it work?
Yes, of course it can work. It takes a specific match for age gap lovin’ to flourish into a successful, healthy relationship. And really, the heart wants what the heart wants. Unfortunately, because of obstacles like unresolved childhood issues and the hard earned wisdom of life experience, age gap lovin’ has less of a chance to survive. Eventually, the older of the two is going to get tired of mentoring and the younger one is going to crave hands on experience. And when this happens, the relationship will inevitably come crumbling down.
It’s also important to remember that not everyone wants a complex romantic relationship. Some are perfectly fine with a two-dimensional, sex or money driven relationship. Some enjoy playing daddy and others have completely separate lives to experience life at the rate of which they prefer.
NOTE: I’m obviously referring to the BIG age gaps.
So if you see a genuinely happy age gap lovin’ couple, accept it and move on. It means they’ve conquered all obstacles and are just genuinely in love. They’re a lot better off than the rest of us, anyway.
