Stop Forcing Him to Love You

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Ladies, I gotta tell you, I’m having a hard time reading these “dating advice” websites you browse. Why? Every article I come across shares the same theme: Make Him Fall in Love with You Fast!

This is followed by the same confusing tips.

Be forward, but don’t be too forward!

Hang around a lot, but don’t be clingy!

Wait four and a half minutes to text back, but don’t go one second over five unless it’s a full moon, then wait a whole day unless he’s a Leo then don’t wait at all and… Okay, I’ve made my point. It’s ridiculous.

Let me make this clear, there are sites out there that offer advice that is actually helpful. What sets them apart? They’re focusing on you! You can change the way you engage people, the way you present yourself and the way you date but tricking a man into falling in love- that will never work.

Advice Women Don’t Need

How long have I been living under a rock where it’s socially acceptable to “make” someone fall for you? Why is this advice only catered towards women? The irony of websites made for empowering our gender is doing the exact opposite by backhandedly telling us that we aren’t enough. We have to manipulate and play a game in order for a guy to fall in love. Remind me, why are we agreeing to this?

Make him do the dishes. Make him take the trash out. Make him wear a mask so you can’t hear his snoring. Don’t ever, ever make him love you, because you will fail every time. He loves you or he doesn’t but tricking him into loving you, that won’t last.

Sooner than Later

Love is a natural progression. It is a verb with boundaries and a certain level of tolerance, which varies from person to person. You will never discover how much your partner is willing to work at love if you present a false version of yourself. Your boyfriend is going to be faced with your truths sooner than later. If he doesn’t like them, you’re stuck being miserable and in love with someone who never saw the woman behind the façade and someone who wants to move on. You could have saved months (or years) by bidding this guy farewell if you had only followed the most underrated dating tip of all: be yourself.

Ask Questions

From someone who has felt the pains of not being accepted by a lover, believe me when I say you must know yourself before you subject yourself to a long-term commitment. Knowing yourself consists of recognizing what your limits are, what you need in a partnership and what you could forgive. Shift your focus from “getting” a man to love you to getting answers for your own happiness. Revive that OkCupid account. Go on dates and ask questions, especially ones pertaining to his profile.

Once he starts opening up (if he has a hard time, get out of there), it is your duty to yourself to determine if who he is is someone you could live with. If it’s not, then place that experience in the “Will Not Tolerate” jar and move onto the next. It is okay to politely decline a second or third date because you know yourself well enough to recognize what works for you and what doesn’t. This is the type of empowerment that should be expressed in the Cosmopolitans of the Internet, not the unfair assumption that females have a problem obtaining great men.

There is No “How To” 

Remember, just because you have love does not mean you have fulfillment. Despite what these dating articles imply, love is not the end game until you have fully accepted the fantastic soul you are exposing to men, and they accept it back. What you have to offer is more than enough for love. There is no need to force it. There is no “How To”. There is just you, in your skin, and loving it.

I guarantee he will follow suit.

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Alex Wise served over 5 years as relationship expert helping women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest, male perspective. Alex is one of the contributors and editors for Loveawake.com dating website. He is passionate about thought leadership writing, and regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and online dating communities.
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