Are you miserable in your relationship?
There is one code of conduct that all happy couples share: it’s one thing they DON’T ever do to each other. If you and your partner are doing it—that may explain why you’re currently miserable.
In fact, you could be ruining a perfectly good relationship because of this one bad habit. It’s a childish game, and it’s not fun, nor does it promote unity.
Today, lets dig into what unhappy couples DO and what happy couples DON’T do and 2 tips to stop pushing each other away. Please read more…
Unhappy Couples Share 1 Trait in Common
If you and your partner are playing this game with each other, you need to make it stop before you destroy everything that is good between you.
What game am I talking about?
We’re not talking Scrabble here… it’s the blame game, and it’s one way to ruin a perfectly good relationship. Women especially tend to do it, and I’ll explain why in just a second. First, let’s look at men.
Guys do their share of playing the blame game, as well, but for different reasons: usually when they are caught doing something that’s questionable or could be otherwise construed as walking the fine line between right and wrong.
For women, they have a tendency to blame a man when they are upset in general—the man doesn’t have to do anything, but gets the blame anyway. A woman could have a bad day at work, not feel well or otherwise be in a bad mood, and when she gets home—BAM, her man is suddenly hearing how she’s sick and tired of how he scrapes his plate with his fork or never empties the garbage.
Her man sits there like he’s been hit with a stun gun, trying to figure out where that came from—they both just walked in the door… he hasn’t had dinner yet so what plate-scraping is she talking about?
If you’re a woman, do you do this? Think about it a moment… has there been a time in the past week or two where you felt upset at your man, and technically, he had done nothing wrong at that moment, but you knew he must somehow be responsible for your feeling bad now?
The reason women do this is because they think in terms of relationships, and if things aren’t going well, it has a spillover effect into their close relationships.
And if you’re a man reading this, the last time you were busted for doing something like looking at porn or staying out late with the guys and your woman said something to you… did you point the finger back at her and say she wasn’t doing enough of something, and that’s why you did x, y and z?
You can see how it’s an ugly game, and once it begins, it becomes an ugly habit that serves to do one thing: push each other away.
Happy couples don’t play this game, and there’s nothing in the rule book that says you have to keep playing it. Make it stop with these 2 tips:
Tip #1: Next Time… Hit the Pause Button
The next time you feel yourself ready to blow up at your partner, hit the pause button.
This will take some practice to get used to doing, because if you’re in the habit of reacting first and then mulling it over after the fact, you will need to develop a conscious awareness of when you’re about to engage in the blame game with your partner.
Tip #2: Do a Reality Check
While that pause button is pressed down, ask yourself: whose issue is this? Did my partner do something to make me engage in questionable behavior, or to put me in a bad mood? Or, did I make the decision to do this behavior even though I know it’s wrong and I’m looking for a way to justify it, or I had a bad day at work and didn’t appropriately deal with the source of my anger.
By stopping yourself before the words of blame can get past your lips can help you analyze the situation in a rational manner and keep you from doing things to push away your partner.
Then, you can go play Scrabble—a much more fun game than the blame one.
My best to you in stopping the blame game.