Are you looking to kill the intimacy in your relationship?
You’re probably thinking Stephanie has completely lost her marbles… well, before you cast your vote to send me off to the loony bin, hear me out.
We’ve uncovered a few sure-fire ways couples kill intimacy without ever knowing it.
Not exactly what you had in mind doing when you both got involved, is it?
Every day, there are couples out there obliterating the intimacy between them. The way they do it isn’t obvious, and it’s not on purpose but it still results in a bloody mess.
Today, I want to tell you about two of the worst habits you can allow to ever take hold in your relationship, why they kill intimacy, and tips for ensuring these habits are banished. Read on…
The Killer Relationship Habits
When we say “killer relationship habits,” we don’t mean it in the modern lingo that implies a good thing. (How “kill” ever became a good thing is a mystery.)
Killer habits are those that kill, or you could use “annihilate” or “obliterate” to achieve the same meaning. Regardless of the word you use, understand this: it’s not a good thing—especially when connected to your relationship.
These habits are insidious: they manage to sneak in when no one is looking. Or, maybe you have a vague awareness that they have shown up, but you do nothing to push them back out the door. The reason they get in your relationship realm in the first place is because people get comfortable and stop making the effort.
And as we have all heard, relationships take effort. That means daily effort, and sometimes even hourly effort.
Let’s take a look at these two killer relationship habits.
Habit 1: Clinginess
There is a fine line between wanting to be close to your partner and sharing a deep emotional connection, and being clingy. Sometimes, the recipient of those efforts may perceive them as clingy, when all you’re trying to do is spend more time together.
Often, couples find themselves mismatched on the emotional connection spectrum. Some people need to feel very tight with their partner, and for someone who isn’t driven as strongly by that need will push the perceived clingy person away from them. But what happens? The person wanting the close connection pushes harder to get closer, thinking that they are actually fixing the relationship because they don’t understand what’s wrong.
Back and forth, it’s a tug of war.
Remedy: If you are pushing to get closer to your partner, stop. This doesn’t mean you aren’t making an effort in your relationship to be respectful and loving. But if you feel resistance, draw back. What tends to happen is the person who feels you were trying to cling to them is actually drawn to you. It doesn’t mean that as soon as they do, you pull on them again. Just let them set the pace for a while, and you will get the intimacy you crave.
Habit 2: Drifting
Drifting is when neither of you is at the helm of your relationship and things just kind of… glide along, over here… over there… Each of you is basically starting to live a separate life, and intimacy has more or less been set on the backburner.
Often, you’ll hear couples who are in crisis even say, “We just drifted apart.” The reason people drift apart is because they sit back and let it happen. A relationship takes effort and attention from both partners. To keep the fire burning, you need oxygen.
Remedy: If you know your relationship is beginning to drift, and there’s a gap beginning to grow between you, close the gap by putting some fun activities on your calendar. These are opportunities to bond through shared experiences, all of which serves to pull you close as a couple once again.
My best to you in removing the bane of killer relationship habits.