Text Less, Rock More Dates


You meet a girl you like; digits are exchanged. Not wanting to telegraph too much attention, you play it cool and send a message. Then, horror of horrors: there’s no reply!

Minutes pass, then hours. Suddenly, you’re asking yourself all sorts of uncomfortable questions. Why hasn’t she answered? Has she seen your message? What if something you said turned her off?

Texting can be useful, but mostly it’s a great way to make sure you never go on a date that cute girl you met earlier. In this post, I’m going to explain why you should minimize texting when dating, when it’s okay to use it and how to minimize damage once you’ve screwed up.

This guy didn’t stop texting. Now he’s paying the price.

Texting & Mind Games

The worst thing about texting is how easily it can mess with your mind. Every time you send a message, the ball is in Her court: she may or may not reply. If she doesn’t, there’s no way for you to find out why. There could be a completely harmless reason, but not receiving an answer for ages will still throw you off your game. If she doesn’t reply at all, you’ll feel like a tool when you initiate contact again.

It’s a lose-lose situation you don’t want to be in and yet you’re asking for it every time you text instead of calling. Remember: there are many reasons for messages to go unread or unanswered. Phones and networks aren’t error-proof; an SMS can arrive many hours late or never at all. Even if the message is read, a girl might be busy, in a bad mood or out of credit. Later, she’ll forget about your message and never call back.

So just skip the mind games and make a simple phone call.

Texting & Attraction

Going on a date with someone is a bigger commitment than giving them your number and requires more trust & attraction. Unfortunately, texting offers few chances to generate either. If you didn’t impress a girl when you were asking for her number, you’re unlikely to make up for it with an SMS; there’s just too little space to show her how charming you can be.

Texting also robs you of the ability to convey and gauge emotions; emoticons and LoLs are no replacement for the tone of someone’s voice. This is especially true if you’re talking to a new person. Misread a girl and you’ll miss opportunities to generate attractionGet misread, and you might offend her with a misunderstood joke or remark.

Also, a few words on tension. Generating it by playing a little mysterious and hard-to-get is a classic move, and a great way to build attraction. But when you text someone too often, the opportunity to create that tension is lost. Don’t let that happen.

Texts & Flaking

If a girl hasn’t decided whether she wants to go on a date or not, it’s easy for her to flake by not replying to a text message. Women are whimsical to begin with, so why create an opportunity to miss a date with the great guy you undoubtedly are? Make a phone call, and it’ll be a lot easier for her to say “Yes” and give you a shot.

When To Text

Unless you’ve known someone for a while, avoid texting. You’re only allowed to text if you don’t need a reply or really can’t make a phone call.

Example: you exchanged numbers with a cute girl? Text her about something you discussed earlier – e.g. just saw that new movie we were talking about, it’s AMAZING!

Doing this will generate a bit of comfort and remind her of you. Being flirty and funny is a big bonus, but always remember that it’s easy(ish) to strike out when texting. If you’ve been on a few dates already, you can be a little more intimate and romantic.

Texts are also very convenient for confirming the details of a date before going on it. Most people can’t freely make phone calls when they’re at work, so a quick message can be a life-saver. But regardless of how long you’ve been dating, keep your texts short and simple.

Damage Control

Let’s say you texted someone and never got a reply. Regardless of the reason, there’s only one real way to bounce back: by making a phone call. When you make the call, do not refer to your previous text message being unanswered: this will only draw unwanted attention to it and make you look needy. Just be smooth and you’ll do awesome.