As women, many of us were raised to believe that a “good” woman sacrifices herself for others. Many of us don’t recognize “me” time. In fact, wouldn’t “me time” be too selfish? To anyone who would state this, I say “BS!” We don’t live in the Victorian Era anymore! Your prim, proper, and self-sacrificing days are over! Of course, you can care for others in your life. You can give of yourself to others on your OWN terms. This is different, however, from self-sacrifice or forgetting about your health, joy, fulfillment, and sense of empowerment.
Today, more than ever, I think it is important to learn to commit to yourself. What exactly does this mean? The Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines commitment as, “a promise to do or give something.” This definition seems to be about living with integrity – doing what you say you will do, being trustworthy. Most of us think of giving our commitment to our our partners or loved ones. But, commitment is not just for them. Commitment is for you, too. After all, you cannot give of yourself at all if you are running on empty. Here are ways to commit to yourself.
How to Honor Your Commitment to Yourself
Do What Makes You Feel Happy, Healthy, Fulfilled, and Connected
It is quite logical really. You are happier when you exercise, laugh, socialize, and engage in activities that give you joy and a sense of meaning. Life is finite. You deserve to do things that bring out the very best version of you. Take care of you physical health, mental health, spiritual health, and emotional health. Know that you are important, beautiful, worthy, and amazing.
Honor Your Personal Integrity for the Amazing Person That Is You
If you want to end the day with a long-overdue bubble bath, then, make sure you give yourself this bubble bath and make the necessary request (towards potential others) to honor your “me” time. This is not a time for making excuses on why you can’t do something for yourself. Neither is it a time to feel guilty for wanting personal time. You deserve it. Give it to yourself. Don’t go back on your word. Don’t engage in any level of self-sabotage.
It is okay to inwardly say, “I deserve my bubble bath and am not going to think about work, parents, friends, or any other responsibilities! This is my space and my time!”
Engage in Hobbies That Bring out Your Inner Light
What do you like to do? What brings you joy? Is it scrap-booking with friends? Singing in a choir? Going to the movies? Or, writing short stories? Whatever it is, give yourself permission to engage in hobbies that bring you joy and make you feel like a grounded, fulfilled, satisfied person. What outlet works for you so that you can deal with the rest of life’s responsibilities? What outlet works for you so that you can be completely present in other potential relationships?
Set Boundaries in Order to Promote a More Joyous, Connected, Healthier You
Believe it or not, boundaries are not meant to keep people or things out. They exist to create conditions that are conducive to growth, connection, and wholeness. When people respect your boundaries you are more likely to be present, grounded, and engaged with friends, co-workers, family members, or other potential intimate partners. But, others won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t respect them yourself. People will sense if you feel guilty or anxious about setting boundaries. This opens the door for others to manipulate and exploit you.
Make Agreements with Yourself, and Honor Them
People typically think of agreements as mutual negotiations, arrangements, or agreed upon condition between two or more parties. But, these negotiations, arrangements, and conditions do not have to only be with others. They can exist within you. Agreements might include being kind and compassionate to yourself, respecting your needs and wants, honoring your space and personal boundaries, or only associating with people that uplift you. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to consciously make these agreements and honor them!
Give Yourself the Space, Time, and Permission to Create
This one speaks for itself. Allow for space to let your creativity run wild. Breathe life into something that is important to you. Let your passions shine. Creativity is often associated with feminine energy (which is not gender specific, by the way). It is associated with intuition, heart, a carefree attitude, and nurturing. Creativity has a way of improving your holistic health and well-being. Just think about it.
Let Yourself Masturbate Once and a While
What can I say! Sometimes you just have to, quite literally, release. Your comfort with yourself, your sexuality, your body, and your own curiosity and creativity are all factors in having a fabulous experience. Give yourself a little loving…it is all good. By the way, I do not mean to say that you can’t be with a partner; this is just another version of “me” time that, I believe, is greatly required.
Practice Unconditionally Loving and Honoring Yourself on a Daily Basis
And, forgive yourself for your failings and mistakes! It pains me to hear you say that you don’t feel good enough. You overslept, you forgot your commitments, or you are just an idiot (yes, I’ve heard the name-calling directed at the self and, if I am to be honest, I’ve done it too)! Give yourself a break. Forgive yourself for your failure. Show up for yourself with unconditional love and compassion! Take it from someone who has been at the top of the mountain peak only to fall down. Life is full of mountains and valleys. That does not mean you are messed up, worthless, or second-rate. Make self-love a practice. Strive to wake up each morning with affirmations of loving, kind, compassionate words directed towards that amazing person you see in the mirror!
Let Go of All Expectations to Be Superhuman
The journey is more important than the destination. You are the greatest expert on yourself and your life experiences. I’m sure those experiences have given you depth and a great sense of character. Enjoy the ride, honor yourself, and let go of all those rigid expectations. Expectations just get in the way of living a joyous, full, meaningful life.
Best wishes as you continue on your life journey. Believe me, I am walking the journey towards self-love and self-commitment with you!