I’d like to give a warning to everyone reading this that things are going to get a bit mushy. I’m going to talk about love and board games and boyfriends and also Justin Timberlake’s song “Mirrors.” Ok not really all of that. The song has nothing to do with anything but it’s really good and you should listen to it.
It all started in the middle of a Saturday night game of Yahtzee when I asked my boyfriend what I should write about this week. He jokingly told me to “write about the time we spend together” with a big cheesy smile on his face. I told him that was a horrible idea but then I suddenly realized it was a really good idea. Then after that, I remembered a lecture in my human sexuality class I heard last week. Then I hit myself in the head for staying in and playing Yahtzee on a Saturday night.
If you want to do a good job of conveying love in your life, spend time with those you love in your life.
The lecture that came to mind was about teenage sexuality and what parents can do to raise successful kids. The professor talked about ways a parent can make their child feel loved. He brought up the three best ways to show love, whether it’s with a family member or a romantic partner. The magical list in ascending order is:
3. Tell them
2. Physically show them
1. Give them your time
It seems like a really obvious list of things to do but I think it’s important to really think about it and how crucial number one is. You can tell someone you care about them. You can even be intimate with them when you’re around them. But how much time and attention you give, is what really conveys that affection. Time is the most precious commodity we have. It’s more precious than words or hugs or kisses or WHATEVER. If you want to do a good job of conveying love in your life, spend time with those you love in your life. While that notion may sound like a crappy line in a rap song, people frequently think that list items number three and two are sufficient ways to show love.
Beyond how you treat others, set standards for how the people that say they love you treat you. Just because they tell/text/tweet/snapchat you saying they care about you, doesn’t mean they don’t have to back it up. Actions speak louder than words, unless you have a really loud speaking voice like I do. But for most people the way they act makes a bigger impact than the words they say.
You have to also remember that you can’t force someone to give you their time or automatically expect that they will know exactly how much you want from them. You should be with someone who is on the same page and gives as much as you do whether that’s hanging out every day, or only on weekends. Even if you’re in a long distance relationship there are still ways to allocate your time to show that you care. Plan Skype dates and be aware of the other person’s schedule so that you can find ways to be a part of each other’s day.
Don’t forget that you deserve some of your own time as well. Be careful not to lose yourself or your friends because you choose to spend every waking moment with your boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s important to maintain a sense of self and that comes from spending time doing what you love and what makes you happy. There’s nothing wrong with a little alone time. Or even A LOT of alone time… we’ve all been there ya know??
At the end of his lecture about giving time, my professor talked about how nobody lying on their deathbed in a hospital looks back on their life and says, “Man, I wish I would have given more time to work.” Obviously he forgot about the people who couldn’t afford a deathbed in a hospital because they didn’t work enough. Exceptions excluded, spending time with the people you love really is the most rewarding part of life. Don’t roll the dice when it comes to people you care about (if you haven’t played Yahtzee since the ‘90s the game involves dice so that’s where that corny joke came from). Don’t ever forget to put your time where your heart is and make sure to watch JT’s music video for “Mirrors”… it will teach you a lot about love and his sweet little dance moves.