The Last Virgin in New York City (And Why I Dated Him)

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It was the question that I least expected to ask at the beginning of a relationship, right after, “So, when do I meet your folks?” But I couldn’t stop myself.

“Ummmm … are you a virgin?”

I braced myself for outraged denial, a snort or maybe even an “I’ll show you a virgin!” followed by a passionate clinch. I wasn’t prepared for him to say “Yes.”

After I’d managed to find myself necking — and not much else — with a 27-year-old man, I had my Keyser Söze moment, the loose bits of information finally piecing together to form one mystifying conclusion.

At first glance, he was your average attractive, red-blooded American male; but tiny clues had surfaced. “I’m practically a priest,” he’d cryptically confessed over dinner. Ah, religious, I’d thought. “During college, my mom was so worried that I wasn’t dating that she gave me a stack of Maxims,” he’d laughed. Ah, strong family ties — and discreet too!, I’d marveled. “Okay, I’ll come over, but we’re not going to have sex,” he’d warned me.

Wait — what?

The irony was that I had only just extricated myself from a relationship with a man who would have had sex with an electric socket if it wouldn’t have messed up his hair. And perhaps that explains my motivation for what happened next.

Erm … I kept dating him.

Of course, dating a grown man who was saving himself (for, if not marriage, true love at least) came with its own set of rules (the main one being no sex whatsoever).

Stage One: Revulsion

Harsh, perhaps, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to being a little turned off by the virgin thing at first. What kind of grown man doesn’t have sex? Hell, even Verne Troyer has a sex tape. It’s a little hard to accept that your grandma has seen more action than your date.

Stage Two: Persuasion

But, what girl doesn’t love a challenge? Maybe this was the sexual equivalent of a guy not calling when he said he would. Sure, it’s annoying as hell, but doesn’t that rejection only tempt us even more? I plotted like a 16-year-old boy on prom night. I tried lingerie. I tried beating him at his own game, slapping his hands away whenever he got borderline amorous. I tried sentences that would make the readers of Penthouse Forum cover their ears. And still … nothing.

Stage Three: Frustration

After about a month of tarting myself up to no avail, bitterness set in. What was his problem, anyway? Wasn’t I cute enough? Didn’t he find me sexy? Did he know how lucky he was? Did he want to die a virgin?

Stage Four: The End

To be honest, I didn’t break up with him because of the purity party. I moved; I dated guys who had sex. That was that, or so I thought. Several months later I found myself back in New York City, single and sharing chips and salsa with Mr. Saving It for Someone Else. All was going well until I excused myself to use the bathroom. I was washing my hands when there was a knock at the door. I opened the door to find him on the other side. He stepped inside, locked the door behind him and lunged at me. It was pretty hot … Which is why, a few minutes later, when he said he’d have to call it a night so he could get an early start the next day, I went, well, mental. Whatever the female equivalent of “blue balls” is, I had it. I ranted, I raved, and I told him that if he couldn’t stop being a tease, he’d better lose my number. He put me in a cab, and I sped away, fuming and frustrated.

Sometimes I think about him and wonder if he’s broken his vestal vow … but I doubt it. And while I can’t begrudge him his commitment to waiting, this gal’s got needs.

Contributed by Erin Donnelly.

Tell us:

Would you ever date a virgin? Would you be impressed or repelled by a guy who wanted to wait?

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Alex Wise served over 5 years as relationship expert helping women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest, male perspective. Alex is one of the contributors and editors for Loveawake.com dating website. He is passionate about thought leadership writing, and regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and online dating communities.
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8 COMMENTS

  1. I don’t think I could date a guy that was a virgin and kept teasing me like that. It’s not cool if you’re not going to follow through with what YOU started. Same thing goes for females, don’t tease him if you’re not going to fnck him. No one likes a tease that leads to nothing.

  2. Your tease could lead to something eventually….but I wouldn’t recommend it. I believe a man who wants to wait is amazing. They are soooo rare. I think it’s more common to find female virgins (myself)..than male. It’s so exciting beacuse for 1…you don’t have to worry about any past girls he may have done or if he has some nasty STD that shows no symptoms. It’s awesome because he is actually refraining from fornication!!! this is soooo not common! Any man can just give in to temptation and have sex when the time arrives…..but a guy who can have self control throughout his many nights of crazy hormones, erotic thoughts, and countless temptations to save his sweet “gift” for that special someone (his wife)….is a REAL man. God bless him.

  3. I admire a man who has waited for sex. If a man or woman waits there is less pressure because then the people know there is no chance of STD’s or emotional attachments. I am waiting because of this fact though if my partner has not it is ok.

  4. i would i have dated him, any guy for that matter who wanted to wait. then again, this is coming from someone with the same beliefs. but i agree with the poster, audrey. men like that are rare and he was different and very special. i hope he stick to his beliefs and good luck with him and his soul mate.

  5. Dude, I 100% APPLAUD that man. Honestly, the woman in the articl ewas stpid because I for one would rather date a good, clean man with a mindset that actually DOSENT involve sex then a man who stuck his stuff into so many women then expect to do the same to me. I find that so sweet that, in a world were so many relationships are based on sex, that there are still those who want to wait. Seriously, I would love to be in a relationship like that knowing there is such a lack of pressure to do it and no fear of what would happen after the dirty-dirty has been done. And fyi being a virgin is OK.

  6. LMAO….I thought it was a great article and hilarious. I’m little pissed off about the broadcasting of a name like Keyser Soze because its my club name, but still hilarious.
    In NYC when you hear virgin from a guy over 25 you should probaly get to stepping. Because it means he is probaly gay, or he is still emotionally in a relationship(which still could mean gay) and when their mother is tossing Maxims at him, there’s another hint. Your mother raised you, she knows things about you that you don’t know.
    You missed alot of signs but better to find out now then 10 years.

  7. as a virgin, waiting for the right person is imporatant. sex shouldnt be just an act but instead two people joining in the most intimate way and sharing a wonderful moment. a relationship should have a strong emotional and mental connection. you should know everything about eachother and talk about everything. when you build such a strong connection then you show the world you are ready to be with that person forever by having a wedding. then on that night you can explore a world of pleasure that is more exciting because you love the person you are with in more ways than one. i hope to find someone who understands that. there is nothing wrong with being a virgin whether you are a man or woman. id rather die alone keeping my morals than to have dozens of sex partners and still wind up being alone. at least i know my body is clean and pure. this woman in the article should not make fun of men or anyone who wants to wait. it is a choice that should be respected.

    if this appears twice im sorry the computer went nuts

  8. I’ll applaud the man insofar as he was strong enough to wait til that age.
    BUT my major problem with him was the teasing he did with the woman in the article. If a man bursts in on me and litterally lunges at me with his hormones on the rampage, I’d expect something that I’d wanted to happen. I would be fully dissappointed afterward and probably would have done the same thing she did. He needed to find a girl who was a virgin, or at least a “born-again” type who didn’t mind going without sex.
    Just because he waited doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t get even a bit of what she wanted as well – even if it meant finding someone she connnected with on the same sort of levels she wanted. She wasn’t stupid. They just wanted totally separate things.