Best Friends Turned Lovers: How You Can Make It Work


Best friends turned lovers. It seems like a great idea. This wonderful person is already an important part of your life and privy to your secrets, hopes and fears-your best friend, who has proven that they care time after time. Why not make your best friend your lover?

If you take time to get real about the problems you’re likely to face, becoming lovers with your best friend could be the first step on the road to lifelong relationship bliss.

Best Friends Turned Lovers: Prepare to Be Surprised

The biggest pitfall of the ‘best friends turned lovers’ scenario is that you think you know your partner. Inside and out, upside and down, you’ve been there and watched your best friend maneuver through relationships. You’ve listened to their side of the story, you’ve offered advice, heard them scream, cry, laugh and moan about every aspect of their love life. Guess what? All of that best friend stuff you have done over the years; it means nothing when you become the other half. Through all of those experiences you saw only one side of the story. And now, you get to live the other half. Approach your new lover as a brand new person. Let them be who they really are in a relationship. If you don’t respect the differences in your best friend turned lover’s personality and behavior, the relationship is not going to survive. Take some time to review what your relationship has looked like, from the outside as friends and now the inside as lovers. Both you and your best friend may find insights that will change your romantic lives.

Best Friends Turned Lovers: The Curse of Intimacy

Sure, the two of you were great as friends, which meant that both of you could handle that level of closeness with. But, the leap from best friends to lovers seriously cranks up the intimacy level. A lot of best friends turned lovers don’t last simply because one or both can’t handle the added togetherness in the relationship. They liked each other at arm’s length, but not any closer. Solving the curse of intimacy is tricky. You have to remember to give your best friend the acceptance that you did before you became lovers. Remember to celebrate your best friend’s great qualities and strengths that you originally cherished. Being open and accepting promotes intimacy. But sometimes, this is the hardest thing to do in a relationship. You and your best friend have to remember to give acceptance freely and not indulge in selfish games or power struggles.

Best Friends Turned Lovers: Take Responsibility

The fastest way for best friends turned lovers to destroy their new relationship can be summed up in one accusation: “This was all your idea.” Those who utter this damaging and utterly false statement are deluded. They want to abdicate responsibility for their lives and thrust blame on someone else. Doing so is a betrayal of trust. In the case of best friends turned lovers, the sting is deeper than normal because the problems of the romantic relationship are added to the failure of the friendship. Take responsibility for your decisions. This is a requirement for any relationship to succeed, but if your lover was your best friend, the need is even greater.

Best Friends Turned Lovers: The Emotional Hobby Kit

Part of being a responsible partner is learning how to let your lover make their own mistakes, and live their own life. When your lover started out as your best friend, you may be tempted to be more hands-on about solving their problems. Don’t. Please don’t. Allow your lover the chance to live their life without you acting as a taskmaster, or worse, a parent. They deserve to set their own goals and learn from their own mistakes. Remember, part of what makes a lasting relationship is the ability to grow and adapt with each other. In fact, that’s what made you best friends in the first place, right?

Best Friends Turned Lovers: Friends and Rivals

Sometimes, best friends are the most competitive people ever. They compete for attention, affection, time, other friends, and just about anything else. The chemistry of friendship allows this kind of relationship to succeed. Remember, that chemistry will change when a pair of best friends becomes lovers. Be very careful not to let a competitive friendship sour a loving relationship. Both parties need to shut off the competition without rancor or complaint. If you can’t learn to cooperate instead of compete, your lover won’t be your best friend very long.

Best Friends Turned Lovers: The Others

Be prepared for the reaction of your other friends, especially mutual friends. If this relationship started as a secret fling or a clandestine affair, you may want to talk with your best friend / lover about how to let the rest of the world in on your secret. Human beings like to take sides. When you and your best friend announce you’ve become lovers, expect your mutual relationships to migrate toward one of the two camps.

Best Friends Turned Lovers: Happily Ever After

Entering this relationship with eyes open and mind clear, you may have a good chance of turning your best friend into the love of a lifetime. The keys to making your best friend your lover happily ever after are the same as any other relationship. Of course, patience, honesty, responsibility and empathy will be put to the test. Get ahead of the game by eliminating the thought that this process will be easy. Good luck and best wishes

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Alex Wise served over 5 years as relationship expert helping women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest, male perspective. Alex is one of the contributors and editors for dating website. He is passionate about thought leadership writing, and regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and online dating communities.